Invisible.

I went to a Care Team meeting today. I was in a rather large room surrounded by at least 50 people. As I sat there and looked around at all of the people, my mouth was throbbing, my heart was breaking and I felt if I stood up and screamed as loud as I could that no one would notice. I know that I have a wonky way of looking at people and seeing things in people and as I looked around my perspective about the people was that when they looked at me their eyes just slid away from me. Like I was not there, like I was invisible.

So, much to my surprise, as I was sitting there in a crowd but not part of the crowd, a woman came up to me and started talking to me. It was nice to feel like I was not invisible and to be talked to instead of talked at. To my further surprise me she told me she felt like she needed to talk to me because I looked so sad. I thought, if people did notice me, that I would have them fooled. I had my fake-everything is OK-smile on and I was being pleasant. So if I had my smile in place then how could she say that I looked so sad?

It felt nice to talk to someone who did not want something from me. My supposed friend (my neighbor) has not talked to me in about 3 days since I told her I did not have an item she needed and I was not planning on going to the store. So for someone to talk to me just because they were interested in me and not what I could do for them was great.