Family.

So, in dealing with my emotions about my grandparents I called my mom. I think that may of been a mistake. I love my family but I don't really like them. My mom thought that it would be a good idea to yell at me because Jared does not send her pictures of Cici. It may of been my fault because I told her that I think Cici should stay where she is and that she has a good life and that I think Torie needs to leave Cici alone while she gets her life straighted out and gets off of drugs. Goodness, never let Tracie have an opinion of her own.

Here is a little history between my mother and I. When David left me in California, I was in a really dark place. I will be honest, I wanted to kill myself. At one point, I was drunk, depressed and had a knife and was ready to just end the pain. I called my mom for help. She hung up on me because her girlfriend was calling her and she wanted to talk to her girlfriend. She left me there, holding a phone and a knife. Thankfully I managed to pull myself together somewhat and have not attempted anything like that since. My point is, when I really really needed her, she was not there. So when she was upset about her sister hanging up on her- to talk to her boyfriend- I could not help but be bitter about how upset she was.

I felt like I was just beat up, I feel drained emotionally. I do not know how to solve everyone's problems. I don't even know how to solve my own problems. I don't know what to do and when I turn to a "friend" to talk to she is not available because she has to go to a party. I wish I could talk to David about things but I don't want him to make another comment about me being emotional again.