The End of My Marriage.

Dear David,

Our marriage is over. It was probably doomed from the start. No, we are not divorced, we are not even separated yet but regardless, our marriage is over. Although I am still with you physically, emotionally I am gone. I have moved on. No longer do I see you in my future, instead I just see me.

I may be a broken person now, I may be frightened of being alone again but I will survive. I will heal and, in time, I will be happy again. You, I think, will never heal. You will never be happy because you will never learn from your mistakes. You will never grow and realize that your mistakes do not have to define who you are.

I believe that people choose who they are going to be. You choose to be a cheater, a liar, a selfish man. Perhaps not selfish with monetary things, but with your emotions, time, affections. All the things that make relationships work, you are selfish with. You chose to be a man who emotionally abuses his wife. Who isolates his wife from everyone so that she has NO ONE, not even her husband.

In our relationship it has always been me giving you everything you need, love, support, encouragement. I spent so much time trying to build up your self image, trying to help you to see how amazing you could be. I spent so much time showing you my love, not just saying it with words but by how I treated you. In our relationship you just took, and took, and took. You rarely ever gave, and when you did give, it was to other women. I know that once and awhile you tried, I appreciate that you tried those few times, but it was maybe a handful of times in our entire marriage.

You spend so much time looking for greener pastures that you don't realize that you are killing what you already have. I know that I am not perfect and I know that I have made mistakes in the marriage. The difference is that when you told me something I was doing that you didn't like, I changed. I adapted my behavior and modified my attitude. I learned how to be a better wife to you based on your feedback to me. You didn't change for the positive.

You spend hours and hours talking with other women. Text messages, phone calls, facebook. Hours of time where you are more attentive to them, you are a better husband to women you are not even married to. Rarely did you stop and try to spend those hours on making your marriage better. You are so focused on other women that you have killed your marriage.

What you do not understand, even though I have told you, is that you change when you are talking to other women. You become a different man. You are no longer the man I loved. You haven't been that man in a long time. You say that you are this way because you feel nothing but despair and rage and I think you feel nothing but despair and rage because you are so guilty because of who you choose to be.

You had such amazing potential as a man. You could of been an amazing husband but chose instead to be who you now are. You are a cheater and I deserve better than that.

I will stay with you, physically, for now. I have no option at this point. I am ashamed that I have let you turn me into a victim. I will stay while I save up money so that when I do leave I will have options.

I know that you will move on quickly. You probably are already making plans to be with someone else once you get back to Tennessee. I also know that the woman you are talking to are also cheating on their partners with you. Perhaps if you are in a relationship with them and they cheat on you, you will realize the pain and hurt that you have inflicted on me. I will not hold my breath for that.





Laura,

I am not sure if you read this or not. It has been such a long time since I wrote anything in here you have probably forgotten I have this. If you DO read this, please, please, do not say anything to David. I know that me using him to save up money is wrong, I am ashamed that I have to do that but I have not worked in so long and it is impossible for me to work here because of transportation. I just need to be able to have money saved up so I CAN find work once I get back to the mainland. I am sorry that it seems I am taking advantage of your brother but I really don't see any alternative.

I loved having you as family. I don't really have a family that I want to associate with and when I met David's family and they accepted me I was so happy. I am not only loosing my husband but also my family so please do not be too mad at me.

I am sorry that I wasn't enough to make your brother happy.