Plans.

Everyone keeps asking me what my plans are now that David has show his true colors. Since he said that he does not want to be with me anymore.

I never really know what to say when someone asks me that. I do not know what my plans are. I do not know where I am going, what I am doing or if I am staying with David or not. I just simply do not know. Right now all that I can feel is anger.

Anger at David, anger and my situation, anger that things are falling apart. I am so angry that David is doing this to me and he is not going to be facing any consequences. He is going to go back to Tennessee and his whole family will be there, welcoming him with open arms. His friends are going to be there and they are going to act like nothing is wrong. That David didn't destroy not only our relationship but me as well. He is going to go back to his life and is leaving my life in shreds.

He has all these people who are in his corner, who support him and love him even though he does not deserve that support. He is NOT going to have to make amends for what he has done. He is going to go on and NEVER have to face up to what he has done because he will be back to his "normal" life when he gets to Tennessee.

I am so angry that he is being treated like his is not in the wrong, like he is the victim in this relationship. Meanwhile I have no one supporting me. I have no one who has my back. No one in my corner saying it is OK. That I did nothing wrong, that I am not the cause of my relationship falling apart. All I have is David, who acts like EVERYTHING is my fault.

Every word I say, every motion I make, every single thing I do, I am in the wrong according to how David acts. Simply being alive is in the wrong as far as David is concerned. So while he is ripping apart our marriage, while he is talking to other women and then acting like it is my fault, everyone is looking at me like I am in the wrong, like I caused this.

I am the bad guy in the relationship. That is how David is going to tell it and that is what people are going to believe.

So I guess my plan for now is to just live, to concentrate on living, to try to remember why I should go on living. To remind myself that being alive is a good thing and to try my hardest to not just die.