Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Started smoking.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Day 21
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Rush to be with her/him. Regardless if we fought an hour before my best friend is still my best friend and I would want to be there in case he/she needed me.
Rush to be with her/him. Regardless if we fought an hour before my best friend is still my best friend and I would want to be there in case he/she needed me.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Day 20
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
I think that drugs (non prescription) are bad, I think that anything that could change your judgement/mood/personality so drastically as some of the drugs do are horrible and I feel bad for the people who get hooked on them. At the same time I don't feel bad because it was their bad decision to do the drugs in the first place. I feel that if you are on drugs and choose to do the drugs on a continuous basis and you do bad things in order to get drugs then it is your fault and you have no right to complain.
I think that people abuse alcohol and make it a bad thing. I think that in moderation it is not a terrible thing because it does tend to relax the body and sometimes that is needed. On the flip side, most people who drink, drink to excess and therein is the problem. Instead of drinking to have the relaxation they drink to be out of control of themselves. So in a way I almost feel the way I do about drugs.
I think that drugs (non prescription) are bad, I think that anything that could change your judgement/mood/personality so drastically as some of the drugs do are horrible and I feel bad for the people who get hooked on them. At the same time I don't feel bad because it was their bad decision to do the drugs in the first place. I feel that if you are on drugs and choose to do the drugs on a continuous basis and you do bad things in order to get drugs then it is your fault and you have no right to complain.
I think that people abuse alcohol and make it a bad thing. I think that in moderation it is not a terrible thing because it does tend to relax the body and sometimes that is needed. On the flip side, most people who drink, drink to excess and therein is the problem. Instead of drinking to have the relaxation they drink to be out of control of themselves. So in a way I almost feel the way I do about drugs.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Work, school, life in general.
I realized recently that I have not posted much of anything on here other than the 30 day challenge info and one or two posts so I thought I would catch up a bit.
I am still working, much to my backs dismay. I actually do like my job and if it were not for the back pain I get because of all the stairs I would love my job. I know eventually I may have to find something else but for now I am going to try to stick it out as much as possible. On Saturday I had to call out sick for half the day while I went to the emergency room. The night before I was walking down the steps on my patio and for some reason Yoric decided to stop in front of me so I fell back and my back hit the top step. The diagnosis is I have bruised muscles in my back and the doctor said I will be stiff for a while. I initially had no plans on going to work that day (I was in pain plus it was my anniversary with David and wanted to spend as much time as I could with him via Skype) but when I called my boss and realized she was still getting sick I felt guilty and went ahead and went in so she could go home.
School is going OK. I am in two classes right now and I only have 8 more days left of this cycle. I went ahead and signed up for three more classes in the next cycle. The cycle after that I am taking off because David may be coming home in the middle of that cycle. Of course he was told he may be coming home late so we really don't know when he is coming home.
I am trying to keep David's spirits up and I pray for him every day but it is so hard sometimes. I know that he is miserable over there and because of that has pretty much given up. Because of that he has been getting in trouble and because of THAT his insecurities and fears have come out. He feels like he is a failure at everything and that he is not worthy of being loved, all the things that he was told and that took root in his mind. He is convinced that he is worthless. I try so hard to make him realize that it is not true and I tell him how amazing he is but he needs to realize that I am telling the truth and the person/people who made him feel like that are in the past and gone. I think it is easier for people to believe the negative things they are told or made to believe (even though they may not be true) than it is for them to believe the positive things. I get so sad that I cannot take away his pain but at the same time I get so angry that he believed that junk in the first place. I also get angry because of his willingness to give up when things are hard and while I was trying to encourage him and make him see that it is almost over, I also tried to make him see that he is immature sometimes and needs to buck up, do what he needs to do.
David and I both agreed that once he gets back we are going to go to marriage counseling and I asked him if he would go to individual counseling for himself to work out some of his mental issues and to realize he is a wonderful man who didn't deserve to be treated like dirt. I also told him that I wanted to start individual counseling for myself for pretty much the same reasons.
I know that I am not a perfect person and I know that David is not a perfect person, but I also know that when we are both doing what we are supposed to be doing and treating each other like we deserve we are almost perfect together.
I hope that this Christmas David will be home.
I hope that the housing office finally gets there stuff together and calls me with my new address and move date.
I hope that Yoric will stop walking in front of me and causing me to fall over (haha yeah right)
I hope that this medicine I am taking will stop causing me to be depressed and mad at people.
I am still working, much to my backs dismay. I actually do like my job and if it were not for the back pain I get because of all the stairs I would love my job. I know eventually I may have to find something else but for now I am going to try to stick it out as much as possible. On Saturday I had to call out sick for half the day while I went to the emergency room. The night before I was walking down the steps on my patio and for some reason Yoric decided to stop in front of me so I fell back and my back hit the top step. The diagnosis is I have bruised muscles in my back and the doctor said I will be stiff for a while. I initially had no plans on going to work that day (I was in pain plus it was my anniversary with David and wanted to spend as much time as I could with him via Skype) but when I called my boss and realized she was still getting sick I felt guilty and went ahead and went in so she could go home.
School is going OK. I am in two classes right now and I only have 8 more days left of this cycle. I went ahead and signed up for three more classes in the next cycle. The cycle after that I am taking off because David may be coming home in the middle of that cycle. Of course he was told he may be coming home late so we really don't know when he is coming home.
I am trying to keep David's spirits up and I pray for him every day but it is so hard sometimes. I know that he is miserable over there and because of that has pretty much given up. Because of that he has been getting in trouble and because of THAT his insecurities and fears have come out. He feels like he is a failure at everything and that he is not worthy of being loved, all the things that he was told and that took root in his mind. He is convinced that he is worthless. I try so hard to make him realize that it is not true and I tell him how amazing he is but he needs to realize that I am telling the truth and the person/people who made him feel like that are in the past and gone. I think it is easier for people to believe the negative things they are told or made to believe (even though they may not be true) than it is for them to believe the positive things. I get so sad that I cannot take away his pain but at the same time I get so angry that he believed that junk in the first place. I also get angry because of his willingness to give up when things are hard and while I was trying to encourage him and make him see that it is almost over, I also tried to make him see that he is immature sometimes and needs to buck up, do what he needs to do.
David and I both agreed that once he gets back we are going to go to marriage counseling and I asked him if he would go to individual counseling for himself to work out some of his mental issues and to realize he is a wonderful man who didn't deserve to be treated like dirt. I also told him that I wanted to start individual counseling for myself for pretty much the same reasons.
I know that I am not a perfect person and I know that David is not a perfect person, but I also know that when we are both doing what we are supposed to be doing and treating each other like we deserve we are almost perfect together.
I hope that this Christmas David will be home.
I hope that the housing office finally gets there stuff together and calls me with my new address and move date.
I hope that Yoric will stop walking in front of me and causing me to fall over (haha yeah right)
I hope that this medicine I am taking will stop causing me to be depressed and mad at people.
Cutting ties.
I sometimes feel like there is nobody that understand me, not even my husband. I think it is mostly because of my childhood and things that have happened to me but it makes it hard when I am not understood. I feel that people who hurt you need to stay in the past, they do not need to be brought to the present, not by the person they hurt or the person's family or friends. When I find people in my life have welcomed in people that have hurt me I tend to cut ties with that person. My biological father has another daughter - my half sister. She and I are friends on FB and her and David are friends on FB. He speaks with her on chat and for the longest time it bothered me and I did not really know why until one day she posted that she just got off the phone with her father and told him all about her friends on FB and how she may go live with him. In that instant I knew what was making my skin crawl about her and David talking on FB. I told him about it, told him I was not going to tell him to stop speaking with her but I would appreciate it if he did. He didn't, he still talks with her. I think that because he was never truly hurt by someone who was supposed to protect him (other than his ex wife making him feel like no one loved him, not even his family but that was more psychological, still significant but not the same) he does not really know or understand why I feel the way I do. I think that I have explained it to him enough that if I tell him I am not comfortable with it, he should know not to do it. I think perhaps I should be blunt with him and just have him delete her from his friends list and block her, that way there is no chance that my biological father's life will mix with mine.
Time to get the scissors out and make some cuts in my life.
Time to get the scissors out and make some cuts in my life.
Day 19
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
I think that religion is beautiful but most of the time it gets caught up in the politics of church that it becomes distorted and things are done in the name of religion that is horrendous.
I think politics are good in theory but fall short in practice. I think that if the politicians started looking out for the people instead of what their interests are then it would be better. I also believe that if they kept true to the goal of our founding fathers then we would not be in some of the situations that we are in now. I also think that instead of separating church and state, state should embrace the church (at least Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit) and let them be their guides instead of major oil companies and tobacco companies.
I think that religion is beautiful but most of the time it gets caught up in the politics of church that it becomes distorted and things are done in the name of religion that is horrendous.
I think politics are good in theory but fall short in practice. I think that if the politicians started looking out for the people instead of what their interests are then it would be better. I also believe that if they kept true to the goal of our founding fathers then we would not be in some of the situations that we are in now. I also think that instead of separating church and state, state should embrace the church (at least Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit) and let them be their guides instead of major oil companies and tobacco companies.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Day 18
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
I do not agree with gay marriage. Mostly because I do not agree with the gay lifestyle. I have known people who said they were gay and if that is how they choose to live then that is something they will have to deal with when the time comes. I think that for the most part people choose to be gay, there may be some people who are born with something wrong in their head making them think that way but I know that most of the people I know that are in that lifestyle chose it.
I do not agree with gay marriage. Mostly because I do not agree with the gay lifestyle. I have known people who said they were gay and if that is how they choose to live then that is something they will have to deal with when the time comes. I think that for the most part people choose to be gay, there may be some people who are born with something wrong in their head making them think that way but I know that most of the people I know that are in that lifestyle chose it.
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